Wednesday, April 27, 2011

If you could go anywhere...

One of my favourite games I've always loved playing, which has become more popular in my mind lately (see previous blog), is "If I could go anywhere in the world, where would I go?"

Normally it's on par with the game "if I won Lotto, what would I spend it on?" because you never think you are going to do it. But I am going to do it. As soon as my ship comes in, I will be taking off. And apart from that vague plan, that's about as far as I have gotten in my mind up until now.

I have a lot of destinations I'd love to see and experience, but they are a vague jumble in my mind, a fantasy destination miasma, with little or no thought as to the logistics of putting it all together. And in one sense, I don't want to do that. I don't want some meticulously planned itinerary that has been scheduled down to the enth degree by a travel agent who has no interest in giving me room for adventure.

I tried taking off last year for 3 weeks. Unfortunately the headache of planning my absence, coupled with an insane rise in activity during the time I had organised out of my work schedule, meant I ultimately gave up on the whole shebang and stayed home. Missed opportunities.

Also, when I contacted a travel agent to get some kind of vague plan that would give me the right balance of structure (where would I sleep for the first night of flying into Vientiane, for example) and loose stretches of unstructured time, the task was obviously more than this woman could handle, as she fianlly delivered me a 3-week itinerary with no less than 4 guided tours, an overnight luxury cruise ship ride from Vietnam into Cambodia, and a price tag of $7,300 after I had explained I was interested in backpacker budget scale of activities.

Hmmmmmm.

So this time, I'm doing my own research. Booking my own flights. Giving myself the breathing room once I get to a country to really get the feel of the cobblestones beneath my feet, rather than flying in and out, taking happy snaps and then jumping back on a tour bus!

Here is one website I have been very impressed with so far --> http://www.startbackpacking.com/

I have to wonder, whether a 30-something (and late in the 30s at that) female travelling by herself with a backpack will raise eyebrows. Possibly. Will I care? Probably not.

My mum reminded me when I told her about my hairbrained scheme to leave it all behind, be "irresponsible" (to my mind) and take off with no fixed point of return, that in my final year of uni I was planning to live and study in Paris. In fact, I had even gone so far as to take both the language and college entrance exams at the same time I was finishing up my engineering degree, plus writing a 40,000 word thesis. I missed out on passes by a matter of a few percentage points, and was working and studying that year to make the exam rounds again. Then I met the husband, and life took a sharp turn to the left. Wouldn't trade any of that experience for quids, but my my wise mum had hit the nail on the head -- this adventure has been 15 years in the making!

Goodness me, I recall memorising the capital cities of every country in Europe as a child, and priding myself in knowing where all the countries were! If anyone were born to travel, I'm it!

And here is that list of experiences that's been brewing under my skin and in my mind over the last 15 years of places I'd like to see, and things I'd like to do:

  • take a camel trek into the desert of Morocco
  • meditate and soak up sunshine in Bali
  • visit Capri, Rome, the Blue Grotto and the Vatican city in Italy
  • eat pizza in Naples
  • see the sights of Prague
  • clunk steins at Oktoberfest in Germany
  • travel down the Mekong river in a beer tube
  • see the ancient ruined temples at Angkor Wat
  • see Paris again, city of lights
  • speaking of Paris, I never did get into the Louvre, that will be a must
  • cinque terra region on the northwest coast of Italy
  • visit Bruges, if only for the chocolate
  • see the Aurora Borealis
  • stay in an ice hotel in Finland
  • see the beautiful Halong Bay in Vietnam
  • absolutely everything about New York
  • check out the improv scene in Chicago
  • feel the music scene in Berlin
There are many more cities and experiences than this, but those are the ones that bubble to the top of my mind as I freestyle this blog.

What destinations would you choose to go to "if you could go anywhere..."?

Monday, April 25, 2011

"Stuff" vs "Experiences"

I have come to a crossroads, and have made a decision that hopefully will lead to some pretty interesting times ahead of me.

I have decided to go travelling for an extended period of time, leaving it open-ended as to whether I come home at all or not. Who knows. I have only just decided on the outbound journey, and I'm not going to assume there is going to be an inbound return, as most of the decisions I have made to date just lead to the "next best thing" for me.

But making that decision to take off is both exciting and scary. I look around at the life I have built for myself here, at my "home". I look at the "stuff" I have collected, carefully and deliberately chosen to cultivate the impression of the kind of person that I am. I seem to think I am a funky, yet minimalistic, urbanised inner-city chick. I look around at my "things" and I don't see a lot of experiences or emotional ties. I see things. I see books, movies, CDs, furniture, appliances, and decorative touches. Some of these things have stories attached to them, sure. Like the couch my husband ordered for us that he never got to enjoy. Like the paintings I bought in Leura where I twisted my back getting them out of the pile of other paintings, and had to be hospitalised the following week. The posters I picked up in Paris a lifetime ago, and had mounted at my previous home that travelled here to Surry Hills when I was trying to create a new life and new outlook. Like the Tibetan singing bowl I purchased at the Mind Body Spirit festival last year which I had blessed by a lama. You get the picture.

But, I can't help but feel that even when there is a story attached to a "thing", it's really not worth keeping and holding myself back by storing it for "what if" I come back.

I have to make a decision at some point. Am I going to come back and want to re-establish a home? And if that is so, will I want the comfort and familiarity of the "things" I had once collected and gathered around me. Or will I never come back? Or will I come back and be a different person entirely and want to create a new nest around me... or "us"... if that happens? Or will there be something else entirely to come home to?

My heart says to let go. Let go of all the material possessions I have around me right now. Right down to the clothes, shoes, books, DVDs and CDs that could always and easily be stored in a few boxes at my parents' place. Okay, maybe I won't be that ruthless, but I look at things like my bed, my appliances and my washing machine, and think "why would I want to keep this in storage?"

I ask my heart again, and it tells me once again to let it all go. And fly, fly away.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

"Fear and Loathing" begone!

I really wish I had kept some of my old blogs. Not for the fact they were erudite or well-written or wise, or anything like that. In fact, quite the opposite. They were quite often the raw output of a girl who was going through some really rough stuff, and some really transitional periods, and I'd really love to be able to read who that girl was and compare her to the woman I am today.

There was a LOT of fear and loathing in the bad old days.... way too much...

I have been thinking and pondering a lot about fear and loathing, and how it really shapes our lives for the worse, not the better. And I'd also really love to get an insight from myself looking back on my "old" self and see at what point I can actually see that fear and loathing turning into courage and confidence.

I don't like fear and loathing. I have worked very hard to turn it around, and while it's taken a good many years, I wouldn't trade places with any other human being on this planet for anything. I believe that great things are coming into my life, really soon. I really, truly, honestly do.

While I have done a lot of work on myself in the past 6 years, this afternoon has blown my mind. Blown me away completely. I had a 2 hour conversation with a spiritual healer over the phone, during which we went through a complete 100% chakra overhaul maintenance and "repair" work. I was absolutely mindblown as to the level of work I have already been able to achieve given the tools I had at my disposal over the past few years. If I hadn't done the work, I would not have been able to appreciate what we (he) accomplished this afternoon. But it still blows my mind.

And it's not just my mind, we were confirming images, perceptions, feelings and also results without even being in the same room. In my mind, there may be a lot of charlatans who give the psychic and spiritual work industry a pretty poor name, but when you get the "real deal" it completely and utterly blows your mind and lifts you to another level of understanding that can help you put your life events into better perspective and see paths that were previously unknown to you.

The invisible realm is something that gets very little notice or attention and especially no credit by most people as to the influence it has over our lives, our choices, relationships, decisions and attitudes.

My own relationship with the spiritual realm has been pretty hit and miss. But in the past decade, often to my grave doubts, fears and ignorance I gave it pretty much no attention until some pretty ground-shaking events made me sit up and take notice of it. Since then, I have been learning a whole heap of interesting things, and tested them fully myself.

I have flung myself onto these things as a kind of self-assigned guinea pig, as I am a completely 100% rational and scientific being who did a mechanical engineering undergraduate degree.... and I offer myself up to anyone who would like to challenge these things "exist" as someone who went through shite that would have turned most people into gibbering wrecks. You only have to look at where I was 6 years ago, and compare that to now, to see these approaches really do work.

And my experience tonight is that my life is probably about to take a trajectory in the next 6 to 8 weeks that I had not even imagined possible.

I can't wait!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

An original poem: Truth

i speak my truth
the truth i seek
my search for truth
is never meek
but if your mood
my truth should pique
i'll leave you to
the lies you tweak
you make them sound
so soft and sleek
but truth is truth
and thus i speak
"my mind's made up
it's never weak
you can go on
to chaos wreak"
"our paths shall part!"
i hear you shriek
i smile, and turn
the other cheek